We have a clock, which has the day, date number and month, which you have to press a button to change. The Twins have the job of pressing the buttons, some mornings this runs smoothly, other days it sparks an almighty explosion of ‘yeah but’s’ and wailings. Why are girls so emotional about everything? They are working out how many days it is until their birthday, Twin Two is better with numbers than Twin One so is quicker to get the answer. (Second almighty meltdown from Twin One). I’ve panic shopped online a few presents in the hope they will still be able to be delivered. We hadn’t really decided on gifts and there was a party booked at the local trampoline place, which is now on hold. They don’t really ‘need’ anything, they are fortunate enough to have things. So, I ordered two Tepee’s for the garden. Husband will go nuts, hence why I felt seeking forgiveness rather than permission on this was a better option. Husband will go nuts because the purchase involves a job for him to sort the shed out so they can be stored. There is a method in my madness. Shed gets sorted and girls will be delighted! Winner winner, chicken dinner.
The twins were five weeks early, I had pre-eclampsia towards the end of the pregnancy, and they arrived into the world via an emergency c-section. Twin One came first, followed by Twin Two, one and a half minutes later. Twin One wasn’t breathing; I think Twin Two was squashing her. She was taken away to the Baby ICU, Twin Two all okay and put into the lower level ICU. I didn’t really see them for a while, as I was lying in a bed feeling like road kill. My blood pressure spiked following the birth and I ended up being kept in hospital for ten days, the Twins were in ICU for seven of those. They were so well cared for and Husband and I were able to visit. There was really strict hand washing controls, not dissimilar to these times now. And both Husband and I’s hands were wrecked. We used The Body Shop’s Hemp hand cream; I’ve just ordered some more. Popped a couple of extra tubes in my basket to post on to my paramedic friend too.
I am grieving today; I am grieving the loss of my own time. I feel tired, fed up, I don’t seem to have much patience for the children and I find it hard to relax. It really is a day-to-day situation and I know this will pass. I do take comfort that we are all experiencing this in our own ways. It’s hard isn’t it? Times like this I really miss my Dad, as he would have provided me with some comfort and reassurance. He was my life cheerleader and did so in a blunt straightforward way. The Twins were seven months old when he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and seventeen months when he died. If he were here, he’d have set up some form of camera in my house and would be sat in his watching, highly amused! This is now possible, as a friend of mine has done this to help support her Mum who needs care. Isn’t technology amazing? My technical knowledge stopped in 2013 when I stopped work! As did some of the gadgets in my house, hence a recent SOS to family for help! Donated laptop and iPads on loan.
I let Child One stay up tonight and watch The National Theatre live stream of One Man, Two Guvnors. My Dad and I regularly went to the theatre, it was a shared passion. We saw this production in 2011, we sat on the second row and my Dad had tears of laughter streaming down his face. It’s a great memory for me to hold. Child One is not dissimilar to my Dad and I knew he too would find it funny, which he did; this too creates a lovely memory for me. That night we were in lockdown and we watched One Man, Two Guvnor’s together.
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